When Success Feels Like a Lie: Understanding the Roots of Imposter Syndrome
It’s one thing to work hard and achieve something meaningful. It’s another to lie awake at night wondering when someone is going to realize you don’t really deserve it.
That sinking feeling-like you’ve fooled everyone around you into thinking you’re more competent, capable, or worthy than you actually are-is what we often call Imposter Syndrome. It can show up in the workplace, in parenting, in relationships, and especially in the quiet moments when no one else is around. It’s that voice that says, “If people really knew me, they’d be disappointed.”
But here’s what I want you to know. Imposter Syndrome isn’t just about confidence. It’s not just a mindset problem. More often, it’s rooted in deeper emotional patterns that formed long ago.
The Story Beneath the Surface
In counseling, we often explore what are known as schemas. These are long-standing beliefs about ourselves and the world that usually begin in childhood. When someone struggles with Imposter Syndrome, it's common for one or more schemas to be underneath the surface.
One of the most common is the Defectiveness/Shame schema. This belief might sound like, “There’s something wrong with me. If people really saw the real me, they wouldn’t accept me.” These thoughts often develop in families where love or approval felt conditional, based on achievement, being “good,” or not making waves.
Another common pattern is the Failure schema. This is the deep-down belief that you are inadequate or bound to fall short, even when others see you as successful. You may have grown up feeling compared to others, frequently criticized, or simply never received the emotional encouragement you needed.
Over time, these beliefs shape the way we see ourselves and interpret our experiences. Instead of celebrating success, we brace for the moment we’ll be exposed. We might downplay strengths, avoid new challenges, or push ourselves to exhaustion just to keep up. And as anxiety or depression take hold, the cycle can feel even harder to break.
How This Shows Up Now
You might notice:
Constant second-guessing, even when others express confidence in you
A sense that you’ve somehow tricked people into thinking you’re competent
Dismissing your accomplishments as luck or being in the right place at the right time
Procrastination or avoidance, especially around goals you care about
A mix of anxiety, burnout, or low motivation
Using approaches like the Unified Protocol, which is a CBT-based treatment focused on emotions and patterns, we can begin to untangle these old beliefs. Therapy provides a place to slow down, notice what's happening internally, and learn new ways of responding that align with your values and worth.
If You See Yourself in This
If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And you don’t have to keep going through it by yourself. These are the kinds of patterns I help people work through in therapy. If you’re curious about taking the next step, you’re welcome to reach out. We can explore what might be keeping you stuck and work together to help you feel more grounded and confident in your own story.
